Toxic Relationships: 5 Ways To Curb Them Even In The Family
Nobody deserves to live in an emotionally toxic environment. Getting out of it is therefore not only necessary, but also absolutely vital. We all have toxic relationships within the family unit: these can make us feel very bad emotionally and make life difficult, if not impossible.
Toxic relationships in the family
The family is one of the typical scenarios in which the drama of “toxic relationships” is born and grows. Add to this the fact that we cannot simply get rid of them, as there will always be something that will unite us.
Ex-partners may exist, of course, but there is no ex-mother, ex-father, ex-brother, ex-grandfather, etc. Indeed, we can end a relationship, but we cannot do the same with our relatives.
The family is imposed on us, we cannot choose and that means that, as much as we don’t like it, we have to adapt. We are often subjected to rules within the household that make us feel suffocated.
This triggers a feeling of bondage, sorrow and makes us feel trapped, with no way out. Furthermore, the more important the “toxic relatives” are in the family, the more difficult it will be to get out and enforce our rights.
It is said that there are two types of families: rigid ones and flexible ones. In the first type, toxicity abounds, as it arises from the intense and irrational use of power.
This situation triggers a difficulty in relating to others and prevents us from freely expressing our feelings and opinions, establishing a dialogue or showing ourselves as we are.
These relatives are, without a doubt, emotional vampires. These are those people who subject us to the authority, envy and constant accusation of someone who, in reality, should take care of us more than anyone else in the world.
As we have said, the most logical and probable thing is not to be able to easily break the relationship, as a family bond cannot be lightly unraveled.
However, sometimes relationships become unsustainable and there is no other option but to escape from the toxic environment.
How can you react?
According to the psychologist Laura Rojas Marcos, most conflicts arise from power struggles, the feeling of entitlement to others and the lack of limits.
What is the key to getting rid of the burden of a relative who hurts us with their actions and words? How to learn how to manage toxic relationships without making the situation worse?
1. Empathy: putting yourself in the other person’s shoes
This does not mean that we must indulge the wishes and needs of others, but be willing to understand what lies behind the words and gestures.
This means that “training empathy” involves being willing to listen and consider what others have to say. This will help us to accept the possibility of not being able to reach an agreement because everyone has different needs.
In these cases, there must be a pact of respect for the disagreement, which will make coexistence easier. This means admitting that: “you want something that is not compatible with my wishes, let’s accept it and move on”.
2. Respect everyone’s intimacy and personal space
Respecting the other means accepting the fact that the answer is “no”, tolerating frustration even if it seems unfair to us. We cannot afford to think that “trust sucks”, because the interference triggers great family conflicts.
3. Be respectful and stay calm
During family conversations, it is normal to say the first thing that comes to mind. This happens because we don’t measure our words and actions with education and respect.
Most of us are likely to have a close relative who thinks he can say anything and who considers his own ideas and opinions more important than those of others.
This is a source of conflict and it is therefore important to step away from the situation and set limits by discussing it calmly, noting that what the other says hurts us emotionally.
4. Be decisive and use magic words
Some family relationships are based on power plays. What you probably want is not power, but freedom of action and expression with no one to make your life difficult.
In these situations we must stand up and be clear and decisive when we say “I can’t”, “I don’t want” or “I don’t agree”. It is important to be confident, to act with determination and to use our decision-making power.
Even if we are in the family, it is still important to say “thank you” and “please”, as this is how we express our consideration and courtesy, showing respect for the time and effort required for requests and favors.
5. Be patient
Being impatient makes us impulsive and unreasonable when we have to evaluate the circumstances and make a decision. For this reason, it is imperative to learn to wait and reflect before acting.
Sometimes it happens that we cannot get rid of the difficulties that add to the fatigue caused by “toxic family relationships”. In these cases, it is essential to make decisions that break the family unit such as, for example, getting away from those people.
We must not forget that vampires and emotional predators exist in all contexts of our life, which means that we must learn to identify them and protect ourselves from them.
It is therefore very important to learn to control the intensity of feelings such as anger, which can trigger even more serious dramas.
In conclusion, to be able to better manage toxic relationships it is good to keep a clear mind and accurately evaluate the consequences of one’s actions, taking into consideration the emotional and physical limits that must never be exceeded.
Source: “Familia: de las relaciones tóxicas a las sanas” by Laura Rojas Marcos.
