Buddhism: The 4 Pillars Of Couple Love

Buddhism teaches to love your partner from a spiritual point of view, to help him grow internally by recognizing him as part of our being and giving him well-being and freedom.

The conception of love that Buddhism offers us  differs greatly from the classic image of romantic love that the world of literature and cinema transmits to us, in the form of sometimes incorrect or even painful concepts.

Love is and will always be a complex and exciting dimension at the same time. We learn from it every day. It is worth knowing different approaches to this reality that allow us to grow and establish happier and more whole relationships.

Buddhism can help us with this. So today, with this article, we want to share with you some magical and wise pillars to reflect on.

Love as a couple according to Buddhism

In Buddhist texts and in the different ramifications of this so ancient religion, love is first of all part of inner growth. It is also interesting to know that Buddha defines love as  a subtle blend of cheerfulness and compassion. Nevertheless, it is important to take into account that, in this spiritual approach, the need not to cling to anything or anyone is exalted.

The “detachment” is part of this essential freedom of the human soul that allows us to flow and advance in the wheel of life and in every cycle of the soul. By detachment, therefore, we must not mean not being able to be together with the person you love.

For Buddhism,  loving means recognizing the other as an integral part of oneself  in joy and respect; at the same time, however, it also means being wise enough to allow the personal growth of the loved one.

1. Unconditional goodness

Buddhism reminds us that one of the main pillars to be erected and healed in our life is goodness.

• Being noble in mind and heart implies doing good to others, respecting and caring for those around us.

• In love it is exactly the same, but at the level of the couple unconditional goodness should reach its maximum expression and necessity.
• Being respectful with the person you love, taking care of their well-being, their personal balance, acting with nobility in our gestures and words, is a value that we should not neglect.

2. The ability to convey joy and happiness to the person you love

Love, if it is authentic, mature and wise, will never bring tears and sorrows. Whoever truly loves you will make you happy.

• Buddha recalls in his texts that to love someone, one must know how to observe him and find out what makes him happy.

• Getting to know each other is that path in which two people find common spaces. To facilitate this mutual understanding, one must be able to enjoy the joys together, to talk cheerfully and to look at each other in silence to stifle the worries of the soul.
• Happiness is expressed and observed; love is offered with joy and never with shouts or blackmail.
• Buddhism also reminds us that before starting a relationship, one must be happy alone, because only two happy and peaceful hearts are capable of giving the best of themselves.

3. Compassion

Compassion refers to the sincere and noble desire to alleviate the suffering of the other person, especially of the one you love. 

• To find out the reason for the suffering of the loved one, one must not only speak. Words are not always sincere and do not always have value.
• It is necessary to know how to observe, to develop the empathy that connects the looks and helps us to read the soul. As you have already deduced, this principle invites us to meditate.

Only when you meet balance and inner peace, are you able to better connect with people and their emotional world.

4. Equanimity and freedom in the couple

It is an important and complex aspect in couple relationships. If you love a person, how will you make his freedom possible? How will you build the space where both of you can be together but, at the same time, be free to grow?

It is necessary to revise many of our patterns: first of all , true love must offer itself in total freedom. 

As we have said, personal freedom is an invaluable value that, however complicated it may seem, can help us consolidate more mature relationships.

It is necessary to create a common space in the relationship, but at the same time  respect the other allowing his inner growth. It is a path to walk together, hand in hand but, at the same time, free.